When I published my last post, I had asked for prayer because I was sick and not allowed to visit my baby in the NICU. After 4 days of waiting I was finally well enough to see Little Olive. During my absence the staff had switched her from an isolette to an open bassinet for a few days. But the day I came back she had to go back to the isolette. She had stopped gaining weight because her body had been using all of its energy to keep warm. She had also been too sleepy to take many of her oral feeds.
Seeing my baby so lethargic was heartbreaking and scary. I knew the warmer was where she needed to be. After a few days, Little Olive regained her energy and fed with unprecedented enthusiasm. Then she decided to pull her feeding tube out and the doctor agreed to leave it out since she was doing so well.
Within the week she transitioned smoothly back to the open bassinet. After a 3 day trial period to make sure she was stable she was finally ready to go home.
Her discharge date was on a Sunday. That particular day I was listening to this sermon from a series on connecting events from the life of David to his Psalms.
The passage was Psalm 52. These verses in particular were especially meaningful to me:
1 Why boastest thou thyself in mischief, O mighty man? the goodness of God endureth continually.
I know that having a preemie may make some people wonder what I did wrong. But God has blessed my trials by showing me that He is always Good!
8 But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God: I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever.
During the certain seasons, olive trees often look ragged and even dead because of their sparse foliage. But in their prime they are covered with leaves that shimmer in the wind. This was a perfect picture of my spiritual walk during pregnancy journey.
9 I will praise thee for ever, because thou hast done it: and I will wait on thy name; for it is good before thy saints.
Wait. The Hebrew word in this verse means abundant in patience. Waiting had been a constant theme during the days leading up to delivery and throughout the NICU stay. It is impossible for me to abound in patience through my own strength. If I focus on wanting my circumstances to change, I will quickly become discouraged and impatient.
No, I must wait on God to guide me through my circumstances. I must focus on the truth he reveals about himself in His word. When my desires are brought to fruition, all the glory goes to the Author of my story.
Little Olive’s discharge from the NICU marked the end of our PPROM journey. Exactly 6 weeks after my water broke, our family of four was finally united. While I would love the discharge from the NICU to signal the end of the hardships in my journey, I know that living in a fallen world means I will continue to face sorrow and sickness throughout the rest of my baby’s life. But I also know that through it all the goodness and mercy of God endure for ever and ever!